Lesson 3, Topic 3
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Restoring Our Identity

Ryan Rhoden 02/20/2022
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Identity is the tangible expression of your faith. Identity does not come as a result of striving, it comes as a result of surrender.

If “What comes to mind when you think about God” is the most important thing about you, then what comes to mind when you think about you is a close second. I can tell what you think God is like based on how you treat yourself when you fail, how you respond to others when they disappoint you and/or when life doesn’t go your way.

Your view of self, your view of God – all of “you” is a composite of a lot of different factors that create many of your responses subconsciously. To take that a step further, what happened to you, or didn’t happen to you during your formative years, matters greatly. Wounds from our family of origin are a reality. In Christ our family of origin has shifted. But the wounds can still remain.

The good news: The place of our greatest wounding holds the potential for our greatest healing AND God’s heart is to place the lonely, exiled, scattered into FAMILY. (Psalm 68:6)

Watch this week’s teaching and find out how you can partner with God to break the wounds that are keeping you from fully stepping into who you truly are.


Listen on your popular podcast.

The New York-based Sanctuary Institute defines trauma as an experience in which a person’s internal resources are not adequate to cope with external events. 

The Adverse Childhood Experiences scoring system asks 10 questions about childhood trauma, including whether you were ever hit by a parent or adult in the household so hard you had marks or were injured, if you lived with a problem drinker or alcoholic, if a household member went to prison and if you were sexually abused by a person at least five years older than you.

According to studies on adverse childhood experiences, people with scores of four or more have much higher rates of a variety of problems, from depression, suicide and violent interactions to heart disease, diabetes, hepatitis and lung disease.

The Power of a Father

He build us up.

We all human beings have four basic emotional needs.  As children, we look to our parents, and from about 3 on, we especially look to our fathers, to meet these needs for us.

  1. The need for unconditional, expressed love. Those feelings must be communicated and expressed in a way that is meaningful to the child.
  2. The need to feel secure and comforted. They need an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.
  3. The need for praise and affirmation. Many sons and daughters spend their whole lives trying to gain approval of their fathers. 
  4. The need for a purpose in life. Fathers have a responsibility to recognize and cultivate their children’s talents and gifts. 

If you were wounded by a father, until that wound is healed, every father/husband/leader will fail/disappoint you.  (Why? You’re not able to be a son/daughter…your preconditioned to disappointment…you hang a piece of glass over artwork)

Power of a Mother

She nurtures us and causes something to come forth in us.

A mother’s love speaks of nurture, empathy, affection and tenderness…(especially the first two years and in the womb).  The mother’s love imparts faith in the child to trust bonding, to receive love, and to express love.

  1. Affectionate touch –  Touching someone says they are important to you, they belong, etc.
  2. Eye contact – The eyes are the window to the soul where love is communicate to a child.
  3. Verbal Affirmation – How she speaks to you. Word and tone. (This continues all through formative years).

If we are wounded by a mother, it is hard to  fully receive and give nurture, intimacy, trust and expressed love.  We then turn to other things to fill that need. To fill it, you will need drugs, sex, porn, success, status, position, job, or ministry where you can try to get our need for love and acceptance met!

Family Wounds Create:

  • A fear of trusting
  • A fear of rejection and abandonment
  • A fear of opening our heart to love

That’s why, when we talk about IDENTITY, we want to go to root issues and not just smear religious behaviors over your life and set unhealthy expectations for what your journey forward with Jesus should look or be like. (Tin Man Christianity – religion is the oil that has to constantly be put on the joints that are working less and less…)

Jesus “are you ready to go?” “Yes!” We shoot forward, and he walks back. In our religious fervor, we can miss his invitation to come back and unwind/disconnect our IDENTITY and RESPONSES from things deep in our past…

“Unless you have faith like a child” (Matt. 18:2-4) is an invitation to heal and restore until we are childlike before and with Him. How can we ever have “faith like a child” or “childlike faith” if we never see our FORMATIVE STORY restored? 

Eph. 1:4-6 – “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to (adopt us) be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to FAMILY/SONSHIP/DAUGHTERSHIP through Jesus Christ…”

Looking into our formative years, especially our relationship with our MOTHER and FATHER is not about blaming anyone else for our current choices. We also aren’t here for you to take a heaping portion of shame for your relationship with your kids or ways that you have fallen short or even failed as a parent…. 

We are not victims to our past. To my story. To what I failed in…because I am redeemed. Ransomed. 

  • God redeems the time (lost/wasted).
  • God redeems our mistakes
  • God redeems pain and suffering.
  • God redeems our past/family wounds