An Indicator of our Belief System

My prayer journal this week is a wild collection of verses, poems, stories and conversations. I hardly know where to begin today because every scribble feels like a significant interaction, somehow all connected to one another, but not exactly linear. It feels like a coffee date dialogue rather than a letter.

I finally landed in Mark 11:22-25. After Jesus and his disciples walk past the fig tree he had cursed and see that it is in fact withered up, he speaks to his disciples about belief. 

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “I tell youth truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that you Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

As I read the second half of this passage, the word hold jumped out to me. I am praying in the Spirit, filled with love and without doubt in my heart, knowing that through the mind of Christ I am agreeing with the way of the Kingdom. But I am holding something. In this specific verse it is an offense against another person, but “hold” made me think of the Parable of the Talents. The third servant did not go and invest and engage the world around him with his talent, he held it. He held on, by his own confession, because of what he believed about the Master. His action was an indicator of his belief system. 

Back to Mark, Jesus is encouraging the disciples to pray for outrageous and impossible things in his name and just watch to see it will happen! But, we can’t do both. We can’t hold something  in one hand, and then point the mountain to move by the power of God in the other. Why? The behavior indicates a belief. It is incongruent to speak with faith to the mountain, declaring we trust the power of God can move it, and yet to hold on to something else in fear, declaring we cannot trust God to handle it. 

The most tender, precious, specific conviction came to my heart in response to this understanding; for me it was in relationship to a parenting issue. In the morning I pray with boldness and confidence, “God, I believe you for miraculous works in our church finances and miracles for our church family!” At the end of the day my whole body and soul are exhausted from holding on to a parenting struggle. What does my action reveal? I trust God to do church finances, but in fear I hold my identity as a parent and the heart work of my kids to myself.

The work of the Spirit is to reveal the Kingdom, reminding us in love of all Jesus has said; not so that we will behave better, pray harder, break our habits, do more with our “talents,” and convert more people. The Spirit is testifying to the places we hold and filling us completely with his “never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.”  

My prayer this week is to soak my thoughts in the Spirit, who is the Counselor. “Search me and know me,” David prays. Find anything I am holding and pour love over it until I can open my hands.